December Confidential

December Confidential

Why did shoppers in the TW precinct burst out laughing? Because the young man sporting extremely loose fitting jeans lost his cool when they fell down round his ankles.

Why is a popular pub cum restaurant in one of the villages about to get the chop?  Because they owe the local butcher £10,000 in unpaid bills.

Why has a wine bar boss caused raised eyebrows? Because he shut down one business, without settling all his accounts, only to start up another business in the town. Worry not. We’re sure it’s just an oversight.

Why is the pension guru in deep trouble with his wife? Because he can’t tell diesel from petrol. The pension technical expert was driving her Lexus when he topped up with the wrong fuel – while the wife was sitting in the passenger seat. Bet she didn’t utter a word, just consoled him! The technical superstar was last spotted climbing into his own petrol driven Honda Civic.

Who is the high profile business woman with three riding crops beside the dressing table in her boudoir?  Must have a real penchant for horses.

Why are there red faces at Royal Victoria Place?  Because one of the traders allowed to set up his stall in the shopping centre has been fined £1,400 by Sevenoaks magistrates for selling a product that made teeth “dangerously” white.  It contained more than the permitted level of hydrogen peroxide.

Which local law firm is in hot water after sending a will to the wrong home address of one of their leading clients?  Ah, where’s there’s a will there’s a ,mistake.

Who is the TW young gun (well, not so young) claiming he can’t go out for drinks because he’s on a get fit detox programme for Christmas?  Reality is he’s having to attend meetings of AA and we don’t mean the RAC rivals.

Why is this businessman being particularly nice to his wife?  Because he wants her to admit she (not he) was driving the family car when it was snapped by a speed camera doing slightly more than 40mph.  Shame on you sir.  Take the points, or buy your wife that £12,000 ring she’s yearning for.

Why is Binky in a bit of a dilemma?  Because she’s torn between where to spend Christmas Day. Her new (married) beau wants to slip away from the family gathering for a few hours to wish her  season’s greetings.  At least we assume that’s what he wants to meet. You deserve better Binky!

Why has a local wheeler dealer been renamed ‘Goldfinger’? Because a visitor to his office spotted two actual gold bars tucked away under his desk.  He confirmed what they were but declined to enlarge.

Who is the financial wizard putting his job in jeopardy because he doesn’t like shaving?  He insists on sporting fashionable stubble which is much frowned upon. Suit, shave and tie are still the order of the day. Quite right!

Why is this property man starting to sweat? Because he was involved in a bit of an accident with his car and the woman sitting in the passenger seat (en route to a country pub) was not his wife. He’s really hoping the matter doesn’t come to court.

Remember how we warned in October that TW MP Greg Clark was likely to get in trouble with local Conservatives because of his Ministerial moves to streamline the planning process?  And so it has come to pass. The MP for Tonbridge and Malling Sir John Stanley has called for the idea to be scrapped. He’s just the first in a long line.