September Confidential

September Confidential

Who should win the award for the most embarrassing moment caught on a security  camera? It has to be this very high profile TW business figure spotted helping himself to a bottle of red from behind the bar of a local restaurant. He was confronted with the evidence after paying his bill which did not include the wine. Much huffing and puffing ensued before the gentleman tossed £20 at staff. Big money is being offered for a copy of the security tape which could seriously damage his prospects.

Why did this woman’s rear view look more appealing than usual? Because she had donned a pair of her husband’s padded pants that he wears for cycling. She now has a more rounded figure and is affectionately referred to as ‘Pippa’, as in Middleton.

Who should know better on the lead up to his wedding? That would be the chap who rang an adult contact line on his company mobile. A 24-year-old nurse ‘new to the town’ subsequently sent him a text offering fun-filled moments and leaving her number. Unfortunately the mobile had by then been allocated to another staffer who returned her call. Decency prevents us from telling you what happened next.

Why did this businessman keep his head down at the Olympics? Because he’d managed to wangle his way into a seat at the main stadium that had been earmarked for disabled people and he didn’t want to be spotted on TV.

Who wants everyone to know they are most definitely not hard up?  It has to be the chap at Waitrose in Crowborough who informed shoppers: “She doesn’t have to do this, you know.” His wife was rummaging through the shelf marked ‘reduced’ in big red letters. Of course she doesn’t, sir.

Who came back from being best man at a wedding carrying war wounds? He told office colleagues he had damaged his hand and suffered a cut lip “after falling out of bed.” When pressed for an explanation he declined to comment as a big grin spread over his face.

Why did this guy’s face drop when he boarded a plane at Gatwick for Ibiza? Because seated behind him was his ex-girlfriend. He was taking a holiday to lick his wounds after the bust up. She was off on a jolly with her mates.

Why has Binky gone quiet? Because she’s on a long holiday.