March Confidential

March Confidential

Why does the journalist really love Valentine’s Day? Because he sends anonymous cards to the home addresses of people who have upset him during the year. They simply read: “Our nights together will always be special.” And if he knows his ‘target’ has been away on a business trip he’ll even arrange for a card to be sent from that area showing the relevant postmark. Try and explain that away to your partner!!

Who has become known as ‘Mr Meany’? He always stands at the back when walking into a bar with friends and decides he has urgent business elsewhere when it’s his turn for a round of drinks. Won’t be long before he’s walking into places on his own.

Which ‘high flying’ legal eagle is heading for a fall? He’s strutted round town unscathed for the last few years because of his family connections but has ruffled so many feathers with his attitude that there’s a growing momentum to bring him down to earth. Many say, roll on.

Why has the man from the motor trade been left out in the cold? Because he’s been banned from telephone banking after a rather heated exchange of words with one of their staff. It happened when he called his bank one evening from the pub. Not a good thing to do.

Why do rumours persist about the demise of a popular hotel at the top end of town? Because word on the street is that the brewery is about to step in and take over the place. The brewery itself is apparently saying nothing.

Which business networking group is getting just a wee bit too big for its boots? When they gather for pre-meeting drinks, they make it painfully obvious that ordinary mortals are not welcome near the public area of the bar.

Why should this chef stop boasting about picking up a bar attendant (female) in a night club?  Because it was a gay night spot and he was the only known straight male in the place. She had little choice.

Who needs to remember to take his memory pills? This popular money man invited a couple to be his guest at a big charity bash (she went out and bought a new frock) only to forget and give the tickets away to someone else. Bet that was an awkward phone call.

Why are the women of TW wailing? Because one of the biggest egos about town has declared on Facebook that he has fallen in love and will no longer be available. Seems he wants to stop the female race from “pestering” him.

Which lady driver has a bit of a dilemma? She was involved in an accident while driving on icy roads and is being blamed by the other motorist. Problem is the only witness was a chap in her car with whom she is having a dalliance and he’s married. Oh dear, life is so unkind!

Which edge of TW restaurant needs to invest more time in staff training? A couple called in for a quick lunch and the following conversation took place. Question: “How long do you think the onion soup might take?”  Answer: “How long’s a piece of string?”  Question: “Perhaps you could ask the chef?”  Answer: “No point he won’t be rushed.” Eventually the soup arrived: it was tomato!

Why is Binky feeling miffed? Because her married beau managed to slip away for a romantic dinner on February 15 – the day after Valentine’s. She’d set her heart on the candlelight meal on the day itself. Silly Binky. His wife comes first and always will.

Who is the young female raising eyebrows in Royal Victoria Place? She is regularly spotted popping into shops and trying perfume testers but never actually buying the products. Oh well, that’s one way of smelling nice and saving money.

Who is in deep trouble over a pink disposable lighter? His wife discovered it on the floor of his BMW and demanded to know how it had got there “because pink is not a male colour” and he rarely gives anybody a lift. Poor chap is telling friends he genuinely has no idea who the lighter belongs to. Yeah, right.

Which advertising man is in danger of being labelled a peeping Tom? He was walking in TW when he spotted a house up for sale. Believing it to be empty (and maybe of interest to him) he opened the garden gate and peered in the lounge window only to spot a young couple enjoying a romantic moment. Happily he was able to withdraw, extremely red faced but without being seen. Next time call the estate agent.

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