Why should the villagers of Rotherfield near Crowborough be feeling upbeat? Because their most famous resident – Lisa Marie Presley (daughter of) – has been explaining the reasons she moved there: “I wanted to embrace village life… I love it… I love what is simple… people know right from wrong, good from bad.” That’ll help local sales of her new album.
Which orthopaedic surgeon needs to work a bit harder on his bedside manner? That would be the one who upset an older patient recovering from a hip op. Asked how she was she said: “I have terrible back ache.” To which he replied: “That’s nothing to do with me you’ll just have to learn to live with it for the rest of your life.” He later wrote a grovelling letter of apology.
Why must Wealden MP Charles Hendry still be smarting after losing his Energy Minister role in the Government reshuffle? Because PM Dave, it now turns out, told him at the time he needed to bring in some “new young talent.” Mr Hendry (53) was replaced by Tory colleague John Hayes who is one year older than him. Politics is an unkind business.
Why was this young man thrown out of the saucy new Tunbridge Wells bar where girls dance on the counter? Because he took a picture on his mobile phone of a lone customer prancing around with the ladies. Burly bouncers persuaded him to delete the image before showing him the door.
Who was the woman who went off the deep end at the sight of three girls walking to school in their pyjamas? She ranted on about the neighbourhood going downhill until someone pointed out it was Children in Need day and the girls were raising money for charity.
Why did this Paddock Wood money man turn red? Because he had to climb onto a wheelie bin to break into his house after locking himself out. The neighbours were much amused.
Why must this Penshurst man feel that lightning can and does strike twice? Because James Lee is chairman of the Bureau of Investigative Journalism which was caught up in the BBC Newsnight scandal that involved Lord McAlpine, plus he was chair of Maidstone and Tunbridge Wells NHS Trust in 2007 when the c diff scandal broke. The infection claimed the lives of 90 patients in local hospitals. On that occasion Mr Lee resigned.
Who was the business woman spotted emerging from a well known watering hole then stumbling up the road wearing only one shoe? Happy daze?