Why will this motorist think twice about driving along with a mobile phone clamped to her ear? Because she did it on the way from Tunbridge Wells to Crowborough where, when she stopped at the lights, a man jumped out of the vehicle behind her and declared: “You’ve been on that phone for the last six miles. I’ve made a note of your car number and will be reporting you to the police.”
Why is this wife just a tad suspicious about her husband’s relationship with a female mutual friend? Because the pregnant friend asked the chap to be her ‘birthing partner’ as her own hubby would probably be travelling on business when the moment arrived. Not fully understanding the position that would put him in he happily agreed and informed his wife. He will not now be at the birth.
Who needs to get out more? That would be the young lady who was left red faced after joining in an office chat about the TV hit Downton Abbey. Asked what she thought about the show she declared: “I don’t watch anything that’s like Songs of Praise.”
Who almost died of embarrassment at a supper party? This is the woman who wore an outfit she bought at a local charity shop only to find out it had been donated by another guest. Sadly the guest took great delight in letting everyone know what had taken place. What’s happening to society and good manners?
Why is this estate agent sailing close to the wind? Because he’s using empty houses on his for sale list for assignations with younger ladies. He borrows the key and pops out ‘for client meetings’ that last an hour or two.
Why is this front man with a popular local band starting to feel uneasy? Because he’s being stalked by an older woman. She turns up at gigs and stands by the side of the stage leering at him all night. What a role reversal? Other band members have started referring to her as his ‘granny’.
Which golf pro needs to get a grip? The who’s in danger of losing his job because of his teaching techniques with lady members. Seems he gets a bit too close for comfort.
Remember in January we told you about a TW hotel at the top of town that was ‘fighting for survival’ although for legal reasons we could not name it? Well, we can now. It was the Royal Wells which has been acquired by Shepherd Neame.