From home truths to hanging out with celebrities, here’s a fun guide for you to keep with you when you’re having the time of your life at a festival this summer…
CELEBRITIES YOU’LL ALWAYS SPOT AT A FESTIVAL
Do they just live backstage? Maybe…
We think she hibernates over the winter months so she can conserve her energy, ready to attend every festival over summer.
We wouldn’t have festival fashion if she wasn’t our muse…
If a festival took place but the Radio 1 DJ wasn’t there, did it really happen?
ONE OF THE KARDASHIAN/JENNER CLAN
Although, usually they shy away from the muddier festivals and opt for the likes of Coachella instead…
We’re not sure whether her CV reads ‘model’ or ‘professional full time festival-goer’.
20 thoughts that go through your mind at a festival
1. Wow this is awesome!
2. I’m regretting these shorts. I forgot this is British summer time.
3. Ooh, a range of craft beers. How nice!
4. How much for a beer?!
5. I’ll wait until a band I don’t like is on before I queue for the toilet.
6. I’ve been queuing for the toilet so long I’m missing my favourite band.
7. Live music is the best.
8. Has music always been this loud?
9. I feel so young and alive!
10. Those people over there only look about 12. I feel so old.
11. Is buying a burger and a box of noodles greedy or good planning?
12. Ahhh I love being part of a crowd.
13. This crowd is massive. I’ve lost my friends/family/dog/mind.
14. I wonder if your skin can overdose on hand sanitizer?
15. People who bring banners to festivals should be banned.
16. Ditto people who bring deck chairs.
17. I fancy a sit down. I wish I had a deck chair.
18. This is the best day of my life.
19. Encore! Encore! Encore! I never want to leave!
20. I’m so glad to be home.
TALK THE TALK
The bluffer’s guide to getting into the VIP area* (*don’t blame us if you get escorted off the premises)
ACT LIKE YOU BELONG
Put away the selfie stick and autograph book for starters. Maybe nod at people who look important as if you know them vaguely.
VIP’s don’t have to wash with baby wipes like us commoners, so they can get away with wearing colours we can’t.
THROW SOME NAMES AROUND
“Oh, I’m here with David Richards from DR Productions.” If you’re really keen, take some business cards with you to really emphasise your importance.
DON’T GET TOO EXCITED ABOUT THE FREE DRINKS
If you get into the VIP area, don’t keep exclaiming how brilliant it is you’re not having to pay a tenner for a G&T. Also, don’t drink too many tipples. You’ll definitely be escorted out if you vomit on a band member.
DON’T SPEND TOO LONG IN THE TOILET
Yes, they’re fancy, but no, you don’t need to try all the soaps and steal the hand towels for “emergencies”.